I’m a little parasitic wasp. If you want to get technical about it, my Latin name is Encarsia formosa; most of my friends, though, just call me Encarsia. You may have heard of me. I’m an interesting gal who’s had an interesting life and I’ve much to share. So where do I begin? I know, let’s start with my childhood.
I grew up in the South-side of the greenhouse. It was a pretty rough neighborhood, but I managed. Between us wasps, the ants, and those whiteflies, a day didn’t pass without something foul goin’ down. It all began with my ma, a bench-wise woman of the crops who abandoned me at birth. I still love her, all the same. I don’t know why I defend her, what with leaving me and all. I guess I’m just the sentimental type. It had happened to all my girlfriends as well so we could all relate. Their support and understanding has made me feel sorry for ma — instead of being cold and angry.
Ma was a single mother who was addicted to honeydew (HD). She got a fix one day of some especially potent HD, had me, stashed me inside some whitefly (just a kid himself) when I was still an egg and flew away in her HD stupor. All this happened even before I saw my first ray of sunshine.
Growing up inside the whitefly wasn’t so bad. His name was Bob, and he was a pretty good host. I was snug as a bug in a rug in there. It was warm and cozy. I was content and well fed (though Bob used to get irritated about my feeding — he said it used to eat at him that I would feed so much, like it was personal or something). I was basically a happy-go-lucky gal. It was in that whitefly that I grew up; it’s where I matured - where I “blossomed.” Me and my gracious host, good old Bob, got along fine. Until one crazy day that is.
I awoke one morning, perhaps on the wrong side of the pupa or something. I was in a really foul mood. Bob’s friends later said that I was having my “monthlies” — they’re such pigs. Anyway, I don’t know what happened after that aside from what I was later told by others. I guess I snapped or something; I killed Bob that morning. Then something really weird happened: Bob’s house began to turn black. Scared the hell out of me that’s for sure. Afraid and panicky I gnawed and ripped and chewed at the ceiling in Bob’s pupa. I had to get out of there and fast. I had to escape. I succeeded.
That was then, this is now. I guess things turned out all right. I’m not married or anything. Men are kinda hard to come by around here. As to why, well the reason was made clear a little while back. I ran into ma one day. She was still jonesing for her next honeydew fix, but was fairly cognizant at that moment. We sat down and I asked her about a zillion questions. One question was about the lack of local male companionship. Ma said that men were not only scarce but worthless too. She then proceeded to explain the joys and disappointments of asexual reproduction. I was in awe.
Ma was right about that asexual reproduction thing. I have about a hundred and seventy-something kids now (and, yes, I did abandon them as my ma had done to me). Truthfully, though, between you and I, I’ve had it up to here with kids. I actually lost count last week. And forget names, you can just call them Encarsia, too. Oh, and I can attest to this, HD helps you forget-I’ve been experimenting (though I never inhaled).
I live in the North-end now and I’m getting along just fine. Rumor has it, though, that my kids and my girlfriends’ kids, even though they are all grown up themselves, still run wild in the benches on the South-side looking for trouble. The North-end’s not much better than the South-side, but a little. I’ve got a shabby little leaf that I like to call home. Hey, it’s not great, but it’s clean and all mine. I’m still looking for Mr. Right and that ideal dream-leaf with the white picket fence. I’m hoping for a guy who can bring me plenty of food, a little HD now and then, no ants (I hate ants), and lots of decent whiteflies for neighbors, just like Bob. If you happen to hear about something fitting the bill-a new opening-contact my agent. I am willing to relocate.
